I think this is an impt landmark event to take note. Hence this blog post.
It was an alright night call by statistics, 23 patients for the 1st night. Common simple cases and no emergency. Hence I should be glad. Yet I would say its a very eye opener and steep learning curve for me because I think that I am just too slow and not reflexic to things. With time this will definitely get better.
Another thing that I will need to constantly remind myself is to be systematic and thorough, in fact, OCD is better than not. I kinda think tt prisc is correct in this sense. And mr lai too. haha upmost respect to ocd.
what i really nid to do, is to formulate the habit of being thorough, and being complete. there's no end in chasing. so dun chase. but every patient make sure i giv the best and make sure everything is done at the best level. make sure all scans are ordered, all bloods are taken and dispatched, all orders are understood by the nurses, patient is stable throughout the night, make sure all medications ordered are given..then i can safely say that i had finished my work with this patient and go on to the next patient..i think this is wad im supposed to do..i hope this is right i will check with my mo tmr..how to do all these for so many patients?!?!? key i think is to haf a good system and good checklist. i was jus damn noobs and damn chui yesternight. sigh. thanks muggy and wahsiew. i hope that next night call i can catch up with u guys.
its jus like. happiness is not in the end. but the journey.
note to self. when i am overwhelmed, i overwhelmed it back.
In the continuous bid to find out the answer to the greatest question in my life, I had been thinking. Thanking about nothing. So I get no answer. It seems this is really why. As spoken by Jolin.
I had always be wrong. I had always been deficient. Its not good enough to be me. Its not good enough to be myself. Its not good enough to be there. It is about taking over.
We always laugh at some random medical student. Some random doctor. Some random person. For being such a myopic person. For ignoring the whole picture. For just concentrating on something. That is neither specific nor sensitive. Just one thing. I think. Im already someone who is like that. Whose story if u happen to tell random someone, i will be laughed at. Totally. I thought about it. Its actually about being one track mind. Being one track mind forces you to take in only results that fits into ur one tract thinking. And even if it doesnt fit it also fits. So whats going to happen? Distortion. Yes alright. We don't like distortion. We like a clear picture. To see everything broadly, unbiasedly. How to be unbiased? Ok. Bad. Take a step back, inspection. And u will understand. What it means by follow instructions. Just follow instructions, and you wont go too wrong. Cos that is what she wants you to see. Not what you wan to see some times. But then. U are the candidate. Too bad.
Maybe its not a lie after all. Maybe its just that you dont want to hurt me. Maybe its just that thats really what you were thinking at that time. Just that people change, people forget, and s/he just had that kind of advantage. Its just coincidence that i had to face this so many times in my life. Im numbed about this already. And I can even start to list 1000 reasons why you should/haf/ought to do this to me. Cos im different already. Im no longer the person that you used to be with. For me now, the idea is: 要像个大男孩,风吹又日晒,活自由自在. Hahaha!