Monday, March 22, 2010
好累好累好累。
遗憾是会呼吸的痛。
没有想念了。 也许只剩下遗憾可言。
好累， 是因为每一次都必须面对他人对我怜悯的目光。 已经没有想念了， 也许只剩下遗憾可言。
遗憾是会呼吸的痛。
希望再也没有遗憾。
遗憾肆意增长， 唯恐天下不乱。
也许连我自己也不再怜悯我自己。
阳。
3/22/2010 09:54:00 PM
Wednesday, March 17, 2010 Labels: 2010, Angel., Brothers, MV, poem, read, song lyrics, 了解了~
Ramblings.
众人笑我太疯癫，我笑众人看不穿
Thats the line.
是否
是否这次我将真的离开你
是否这次我将不再哭
是否这次我将一去不回头
走向那条漫漫永无止境的路
是否这次我已真的离开你
是否泪水已干不再流
是否应验了我曾说的那句话
情到深处人孤独
多少次的寂寞挣扎在心头
只为挽回我将远去的脚步
多少次我忍住胸口的泪水
只是为了告诉我自己
我不在乎
情到深处人孤独
最近看了一篇影评讲说应该先去拜读一下论语， 再回头看老子。 而不是我现在这样。 深得我心。
Yang
3/17/2010 11:53:00 PM
Sunday, July 12, 2009 Labels: 2009, Brothers, jackycheung, mahjong, MV, song lyrics
妳知不知道
ok there is no doubt that wen bie lyrics has not much meanings. hurhur.
The other day was Jacky Cheung's birthday. 48th birthday leh! haha ofcus immediately i sms-ed ryan to wish him happy birthday. Haha. As usual old joke from the past but seriously ryan is damn ge shen! haha. and 933 morning show played this song to celebrate his birthday..
词：李偲菘
自从我第一次看到你的时候
我就偷偷的喜欢你
这种感觉我一直深深的埋藏在心里
不敢让你知道
直到那一天
当我们要分离的时候
你突然跑来向我说再见
看着你远去的那一眼
我心里忍不住想对你说
我真的好喜欢你
你知道吗
of course this is not for ryan. haha cheesy lyrics! but nice i guess?
well finally mars has left me ever since yesterday and not coming backa anytime soon. This past month had been a great mth with lotsa things coking up and lotsa anger thrown at other pple. Thanks so much to the people who are immediate around me for being understanding and acknowledging that this is a shitty time for me. Lotsa household issues settled too! HOPEFULLY! ok today is a new day of the shitty days yet to come! hahaha m5 mah ofcus must work hard cant slack.
I realised. There's alot of stuffs tt i never realise. Either becos im stupid or nobody had ever revealed them to me. Its always abt taking risk. and risk is probability complicated by how much u can afford to lose. and ofcus, luck, which is always so obvious. Haha. I dunno wad im toking about again. I think i can classify this under random words. Hm. had been trying to re-vamp my labels thingy but its so hard. Cos when i read my old post i oso dun understand wads going on. Ok this paragraph is about mahjong. The last paragraph is about horoscope. And the rest is for ryan.
wah shit im qt pissed off..cos i jus typed alot of things and they r gone..tmd stupid IE..ok i noe i shldnt use IE anymore its so unrealiable..but wadeva.
okok so i wanted to tell about wad i was really thinking for the last paragraph..basically i was playing mahjong..then in the last bei feng bei i wanted to diao zeng qt badly cos i had been losing money..so wad happened is tt i haf 2 tais by flowers alr..and i was closing with a chou pin hu waiting for either of 2 cards to complete the game..this was in v early part of the game..so i waited and waited and waited and waitedx10000 for the cows come home..but in the end someone else won..like..the question is..when do u decide to discard the comfort zone and do something different?
i guess wads wrong is jus my stupid delusion of comfort zone as well as suayness..well..as wad most pple will tell u..the right card will bound to come after u discard away ur tiles..well..tts true..very true..almost 100% sure..but..tt shldnt be the reason why we dun discard the tiles..so after a long winded discusssion jus now which was deleted..ive come up with the following conclusions..
to win..is the only real comfort zone..having the perfect game in a perfect situation waiting for 2 tiles to win chou pin hu is jus as good as waiting for 1 tile is just as good as not waiting for any tiles to win..ok lah slightly better abit..but not deemed comfortable at all..all these situations demands us to be as vigilant..as tactical to evaluate everything and weigh the risks..so having the perfect situation doesnt mean we can jus sit and wait..hahaha sit and wait is the perfect formula for losing issnt it?
so for my case..cos its still early in the round..so mebbe after waiting for 4-5 turns of picking cards..and if i dun hu..i shld start considering changing tiles..cos this meant tt i had 4 chances of zi mo..and 12 chances of someone fang pao..if by now i havent win..it jus means tt the cards are very dear to my fwens..so i shldnt and wldnt and cldnt snatch them from them rite! hahahaha! yet! i shld consider the risks of throwing my tiles out to change..lest change tile to win becomes a fang pao..wah then damn sian diao..hahaha
so after weighing all the risks..then we can decide whether to throw..or to carry on waiting..at the end of the day..not all games are meant for u to win..some games are for big win if u r good..some games are for small wins if u r very very very very good..and some games are if its not meant for u to win..the least u can do is not to fang pao..hahahaha..sad to say..this is the zui gao jing jie for me now..
in mahjong..aside from skills..pple benefit on good luck..but good luck from heaven doesnt come all the time..good luck from other pple's mistakes do come more regularly..so wadeva u do..try to harvest on them..and its supposed to be win game until proven otherwise..hahaha
actually..in my situation..waiting for 2 cards is the same as having a 9 tong and 8 tong at the start of the game..its a trap..u think tt soon the 7 tong will come..but then..it never come for me 80% of the time..it jus gives a false sense of reassurance..reassurance tt that will be a set tt is going to be completed..it traps u into thinking tt its a set completed..and sets u into the expectation tt it will be completed..then u get trapped inside..u cant give it up..then u go into this whirlpool of altered behaviour..u forget to weigh the risks..and u fang pao..and fail..
jus like my mahjong master shi fu alws say..the game is fluid..every tile in hand shld contribute in everyway to the eventual winning..no tiles shld be chucked at the side deeming a complete set..the mindset of winning with 4 sets of 3 and a set of pair is no good at all!
its a trap..a trap of reassurance..a trap of comfort..a trap tt things will be done when its not going to..and u think tt its done alr..a trap tt will raise ur expectation..a trap tt will change ur attitude..a trap tt will change ur thinking and mindset..a trap tt will alter ur behaviour..a trap tt will change u into a totally different person..then..u start to lose urself..u start to become different..u start to get obsessed..u start to do things tt u wont normally do..
so moral of story is..recognise register and remember traps in mahjong..identify the potential traps early..and..
jian hao jiu shou..
Imba leh jus found these.
Xiao zhu is like super farnie lah! hahahaha and i think its really an honour and glory to sing side by side with ge shen. Haha im really glad tt i had this honour and glory to sing with RYAN! hahahaha:)
So this is wad happened on xiaozhu's concert! Nice rite!
Here comes the imba original. Hahaha go listen to it everyday and sing during ktv ok!:)
Cheer!
Yang =)
7/12/2009 11:34:00 AM
Saturday, June 27, 2009
病态。
In medicine, we describe a condition in terms of alot of things.
Epidemiology, Pathogenesis, History, Physical Examination, Investigations and finally all these will result in Management.
If I know all of them, with good evidence, I am most probably able to predict the future.
If I know all of them well enough, with good management, the outcome will be as good as it can be.
If I just start to recognise all of them well, then the only way for good outcome will be to suit or change my management in sync with the knowledge.
Just like what they say. If you keep on doing it the same way, you keep on getting the same outcome.
More research is needed, more streamline of management to current knowledge, and I do really hope the end is near.
Yang
6/27/2009 01:30:00 AM
Sunday, January 18, 2009 Labels: 2009, Brothers, happy day, holidays, overseas, photo, pros
2009. 不得不提。
It had been a great year till now.:)
Started off with NO VIVA for my pathology exam. Haha. Proud of myself:)
Watched Ip-man, which was a great movie. It is great and this doesnt stop with me liking the movie, it had already made greater impact on me.
神华内敛
Kukup trip 2009 was GREAT! Thanks to weixiang for organising and thanks to all my friends for this wonderful and fun experience:) Waiting for other pictures.
沧海桑田.
from xuan - 夕阳无限好.
Hope for more fun things to come!:)
Cheers!
Yang =)
1/18/2009 07:01:00 PM
Saturday, November 15, 2008
it was a fine night.
yesterday was really a fine night..a night that alot of us had wanted to haf..a night that had occured for umpteen times throughout these few years tho..yet yesternite was jus a tat different from the rest..for me..a night that although had been coming yet this feeling for the night came late..yet not too late..its good that i start to appreciate and be grateful with fate that had brought me here and now..tho im still asking for alot of things..some silly expectations of myself and specific people around me..silly cos it doesnt really hafta be..it doesnt really nid to be..it doesnt really is wad it is yet i believe in it..but im grateful now to realise its silly..and i had come to an understanding that u can ask all you want..some things will come..some things will not come..and by come doesnt mean it will stay..nothing will stay the same..sound pessimistic ah..hahaha but keeps pple on guard mah..that wadeva u do now..for certain things to come..u hafta accumulatively keep on doing..yet after its here..u still hafta work on it..otherwise it will not keep coming..in a way..it wont stay..if u wan to look at it in another way..yet complacency..and laziness..and procrastinate..and slackness..is the way to my life..hahaha..no wonder..its impt to accept who we are..wad we can do..and wad we can or had achieved..and at the same time noe that there r things which we cant do..cant ask..cant expect..and expectations are mostly silly..but i guess i hafta work hard..for the gratefulness to stay..otherwise i will fall into my own silly pithole very soon..not too ask for too much..do wad i can..and learn to wait..wait for fate to bring something..and learn to appreaciate and be grateful to wad fate can/had/will bring me..yepp
i guess for most of the days im a more sad person than happy person..even when im v happy..i will only regard it as normal peaceful..and as usual peace brings me the greatest happiness..i only noe too well that extremes of emotions will only swing me into unstableness..i however, also with that i can live more happy lives..ask for more things for myself..and getting more things for myself..be happy..in a happy way..
:)
Yang
11/15/2008 03:16:00 PM
Wednesday, August 06, 2008
惩罚。
那天忽然间心血来潮用英文写了一小段， 就有一大堆人来跟我说话。 还是用华文写写比较好。 哈哈哈。
今天一大清早就为了自己的错误懊恼不已， 到底应不应该去见他呢， 应不应该呢? 我想不是应不应该的问题， 而是我自己到底想不想要改过自新。 毕竟， 是自己做错了事。 正所谓， 天作孽， 尤可沩， 自作孽， 不可活。 所以说嘛， 虽然很麻烦， 虽然很辛苦， 虽然很难受， 我可以投诉， 但是我不可以不去做。 因为这一切都是我自找的。 我发现， 当我逐渐长大了， 因为我天生对很多事情都不在乎， 也对于很多事情的因果都从不会联系到自己， 所以我很少为了自己的错误而负责。 很多时候事情过去就过去了， 要不就是我不在乎， 要不就是半点痛都跟我没关系。 所以我这一辈子， 因该是犯了很多很多错误， 只是自己没发现， 要不然就是不在乎。 所以说， 既然没有发现错误， 那就更不用说去赎罪， 或者失去惩罚自己。 小时候， 做错事的时候有妈妈管教， 告诉我什么事对， 什么是错， 对于错的分别很大， 又依照着严重性进行惩罚。 所以有人管， 有人管教， 那是对的， 那是好的。 长大了， 开始接受对于错的分别并没有那么大， 也开始模糊了什么是对， 什么是错。 自己也对自己比较宽恕大量。 所以， 就忘记了自己做错事， 是错的， 是很严重的。 如果只关系到自己， 那还好， 但是并不是这样子的， 每一次都会伤害到人。 每一次都应该很严重的惩罚自己， 尤其是那些大错特错的事。 所以想了很久， 我就乘今天这件事， 来为自己做一个定点， 做错事， 一定要让自己知道痛， 一定不可以轻易放过， 一定要惩罚自己， 这样子才会知道错， 才不会一错再错。
我渐渐已经知道要怎么做了。 需要的是一个人来爱我。 这也才发现， 原来一开始什么都是错的。 bleh. 还不太迟吧， 重要的是看着你的眼睛， 里面只有我。
阳:)
8/06/2008 02:20:00 AM
Thursday, July 31, 2008
From my post in TSB..
"Hi..
Rarely blog here but just wanted to say that.
I had thought thru the days that we had spent together.
From the very first day.
Till the days that had just zoomed past so fast.
And till today.
It is a big big 遗憾 that we are not able to be together on that day when we treat each other to 鼎太丰 at the best one in taiwan.
And it was just too bad for us that I did not get the chance to get married on my 22nd bdae.
And the glow in our eyes when we found 摩登如来神掌 vcd in an ulu shop in heartland mall with andy lau sitting on the satellite dish chu power..
And how you wld alws sing ai bia jia eh ya, 天意, and made me sing 飘移 so that you can do the rummmm..ruummmmm... sound effects.
And the pledge that we made not to join the dark side with our NBIWNCC.
And I still remember the days that all the guys will always 抱抱 together.
Thanks for all the memories, the days together and your friendship.
Cry alot doesnt save the day.
Laugh alot doesnt mean you are happy.
I just hope that you were at ease in mind.
如果说一切都是天意， 一切都是命运， 终究已注定。
是否能再多爱一天， 能再多看一眼， 伤会少一点。
Yang =)"
我想想想， 想说你说的是对的。 我想我应该追求的， 是不一样的梦想。 我的情绪真的是起伏不定。 神经病
Yang
7/31/2008 01:23:00 AM
Saturday, December 29, 2007 Labels: Brothers
跳出来多一拍。
主题没有什么原因， 只是我在听音乐， 而每每lag的时候就会跳出来多一拍。 这两天真的是过得都没有什么会这样开心。 昨天在初院朋友家搞了一个小小的火锅聚会， 全部都是男生， 虽然不是玻璃， 但是众兄弟在一起， 天下围攻火锅， 还真的是挺有气氛的， 也为这痛苦的佳节带来一些团圆的感觉。 似乎这种事要年年做了 ， 可是太过在预料之中的话就没有什么新鲜感了， 也许明年可以变变什么花样， 再说吧。 其实这是因为是真的是意想不到中的开心， 所以才会这么开心， 这么值得纪念。 虽然到最后头好像有点晕了， 话说的有点大声， 但是开心就好。
今天又跟一群男生出门， 中学时代的兄弟。 虽然不是每个人都有到， 但是有好几个真的是中学后没有联络了， 看到他们格外开心， 发现他们就像当年一样， 好像什么都没有变到， 就好像当年training过后一起出去一样， 更开心。 知道他们活得比以前更好， 人更成熟了， 就再也没有更加开心了。 虽然到最后头好像有点昏了， 话说的有点多， 但是开心就好。 哈哈。
兄弟结义， 各说一件秘密。 从此以后， 兄弟的秘密就是秘密， 其他人的， 皆可包杜。 这就是投名状。 他说: 他从没相信过投名状， 他相信的是兄弟。 而我， 相信的是投名状， 所以生死荣辱， 共存。
Cheers!
Yang =)
12/29/2007 12:47:00 AM