What you saw as the title of this post was the title of my script for huangcheng about 4 years ago..I still remembered that time when my first script got rejected by laoshi..then i summoned all my crazy and wrote a 2nd one..which later became one of the last 5 scripts..just too bad that i had developed it too late so it wasnt much of a completed piece by then..so got 放逐 in the end still..but more or less i know that it was destined not to get anywhere but my com..haha..
anyway why this title..todae was the last day at imh..psymed up to now had been always schizo schizo schizo and schizo..sometimes..i feel..its just so hard to discern what is schizo..what is bizarre..what is weird..or what is just my naive-ness..sometimes..i kind of wonder..why is this idea weird..why is this linking bizarre..whats wrong with me..
Of course there are alot of things to fall back on when u try to make a decision..firstly..there's this wonderful thing called common sense..but well..whats common to me might not be common to you..toking cok is common to me and i can perfectly blend into someone's toking cok without realising that his mind is a cok..common sense..up to a certain extent..can help me distinct things that is really really bizarre..out of my world..get out of sight..
then secondly..there's culture..cos delusion is a fixed falsified thinking that is not shared with others..so if sth is widely accepted in a community..like cows drink milk..then cows shld drink milk and mebbe not drink water??..yepp..but there's a problem..i only noe abt my culture..and mebbe singapore culture..yep..but thats not exactly a problem cos i will only be practising in singapore..i do wish for the chance to help out in other places but then lets not discuss about it here..anw..its not exactly a problem..but once again..there will alws be some part of the culture that i wont noe..jus like some common sense that i nv found common..
then ofcus..search for evidence for it and against it..delusion is a fixed falsified belief that is held despite of lack of evidence and not shared among others..so the best thing is to keep on asking the patient why is he thinking like that until a certain point when the basics is out..that is there is no evidence..
then there's socratic questioning..ohman i kinda love it..haha..i kinda already acquired this skill thru my toking cok drilling sessions..basically it demands an inquisitive mind..and a training of not to take everything at face value but exert ur sense of responsibility to ask everything in the world..when something is fake..somewhere something somewhat weird out there wont be able to escape from u..ofcus thats when u r really good at it..at least for now..its nice to know that when i think about a question to ask..someone else will actually ask it..so its either my level is as good as theirs..or their level is as good as mine..hahaha
after one week..i realised why i had been so tired in imh everyday..by the time afternoon comes..im already bo-chuping the tutorial and falling asleep or jus pure stoning..its jus simply becos im learning very fast and everything is getting there in a very organised and proper manner..im very happy about it..haha..im really glad that psymed posting had actually brought my mind engine to a start and i can really say that im going back to the days that i thot of doing psymed and now im seriously considering..the other contender being FP..
the best part abt the morning tutorial today was the tutor's analogy of how to discern truth or falsch..he asked..what is erotomania..how do we know if we really know that someone loves us or we r jus being erotomania..sometimes..love has no logic..no common sense..and nothing cultural in it..then..we fall back to the evidence..cos we are not and we noe we shldnt be and we try to dismiss these ideas of erotomania..we all rely on all the evidence to tell us whether if someone loves us anot..the things that she does..the words that she says..the love that she gives..all the evidence for and against..and the rest..are erotomania..hahaha..
I was thinking while listening at that point in time..mebbe i shld haf done more things for all those i had loved in the past..mebbe i had not given them enuff evidence to dispute themselves as erotomania..毕竟， 即使是恶魔在身边， 你也还只是个整天想把我气死的小小小恶魔。
Today was a very boring day. Like, read about Respiratory Syncytial Virus, Adenovirus, Coronavirus, SARS, Herpes Simplex 1, Herpes Simplex 2, Varicella-Zoster Virus, Epstein Barr Virus, Cytomegalovirus, HHV-6, Kaposi's Sacoma, Dengue Virus, Hanta virus, Japanese Encephalitis, and I am not even half way through virus. Utterly confused and bored. Like how bored can I be. I need to be motivated. After gym was much better, like after seeing how friend N grabbed friend Q yesterday, was utterly convinced that I want to be something like him, at least, he looks cool, won't get bullied. Haha. So after gym did somemore studying, and hence, bored.
So decided to come home and cook something for myself and make myself happier. Yep happier. Wahaha. Felt entirely satisfied eating my own cooked food. No, I wont get cysticercosis.
Then decided to come online to talk to people since my sms-es are all gone liao. But turned out that it became a more stressed and pissified moment. Hm. I think. 我们都累了，这条路走了太久。 但是东西一开始了，就不会有完结吧。 至少，完结，并不是我们想像的。 而是，无限无尽的一直下去。 也许会有尽头，但至少现在的我还是看不到。 我不了解，所以不多说。 知道的越多，其实才知道自己不知道的是那么多。 所以，越说越少。 只做少说。 我希望我自己可以成为一个靠得住的人，但是对不起，我好想说"我不做老大已经很久了"。 Sorry its just me I procrastinate too much, 不配做老大。 本来就不想做的嘛。 人说力不从心，嘿嘿。
So decided to read blogs. Realised that alot people updated their blogs furiously during the period that I did not read their blog. So fierce. Then I read friend A's blog. Wahseh. I am always impressed by friend A's 文笔. Everytime I always ask myself how did friend A pen down all these thoughts. Sometimes I have those thoughts, but, how to make it so nice. Mine is just pure rambling. Mine is just pure, rubbish. Ohwell. For the latest post on the blog, friend A penned down the exact feelings when I watched huangcheng. I shouted "exactly!" when I read. Utterly happified. Had not been feeling so excited for some time liao. Though friend A went to watch another drama. But I guess, we all feel the same. At this level, its hard for us to go back to the crowd, we can never, fall deeply into it. If you are free, read the blog and get a feel.
Better blog while I am still in emo state. Today was huangchengyeyun 2007. Ohwell, huangcheng is 26 years already and I did not know about that. I bet none of the lao jiaos know about that. Haha. In any case, alot of anticipated events did not turn out and alot of anticipated events happened. Like, for instance, I know my lao tian still loves me alot.
So by chronological order, the first thing came suhan's dance competition. Ok, so was having tuition in the morning, from 10 to 12, but then the little kid liked to chaogeng, and I felt that I should at least finish the 5 questions in the assignment part. So there was I leaving on a choo choo bus at 1pm sharp towards town. In my mind I was like thinking its going to take 45 minutes at most then lao tian was like just showing off his power that it will never ever take 45 minutes to reach town. So while on the bus, then I realised, I will never be there on the stipulated timing of 1.45pm. But then, I told myself that lao tian, will surely let me be on time for suhan's performance. I reached the place at 2+pm, then I saw this group of red people dancing, no suhan. Then I thought, the next team must be them, and "lets welcome purify". Haha. Im proud of myself. And proud of the lao tian I trust of. Though he likes to play me, but he is nice to me. Suhan was good. Haha, better than ever I think. Not the guy who always do "der-derzz-der-derzz..". Because got power of love i think. Haha. My lao tian's love.
Then came a period of lagging time, walk until leg ki siao already. But saw the creative shop, saw things I wanted to buy. Wait till I have the money. Then I'll buy the whole shop. Sales included. Heehee. I am going abit mad liao.
Was complaining to alot people about the 14 bucks tix. Why why why. I want to sit at the 16 bucks seats. Boo. ZDL. In any case, saw that the timing was wrong. And immediately, I think some realised, my face turned bao gong. Boo. If ah. If ah. If its really wrong. I won't cry, I won't say f word, I won't be disappointed. No use. I will be ZDL. And I'll talk about it for every single day until forever and ever. So along the way rushing very fast to VT, I was like half praying to lao tian to stop playing me and be abit nicer to me. So turned out. Heehee. Lao tian is still nice to me, although getting on my nerves for being so playful.
Should have sat at friend Q's seat then can be happier. But I was happy with my seat because my juniors are near me. Haha. And I saw alot old people, and abit younger people. Though most of the old people are upstairs. But I was happy. 14 bucks tix for my seat. 赚到!! Its almost like last year where I sat. Happyfied. Haha. So again I conclude that my lao tian likes me. Hehe.
So from the last story. The last story was really captivating. Like I was watching it so intensely that I was really not thinking about any other thing other than the story and acting. But in any case, there wasnt any spectacular props, lights or gimmicks. Oh got one, the first part when zhi nv was facing the moon, Im just like "wahseh!". Actors/actresses with alot of energy, alot of gan3 gan3 zuo4, and alot of fun. Of course, I really love how they played with the music. Its like during the show the guy bought the girl a LV chocolate with the same ring tone as him. She was showing off to her friend about it. That moment, I thought, things like that are nice when in love, but horror when break. Indeed, the ringtone turned into a nightmare that kept on haunting the girl towards the end of the story. Some say that the ending is not nice. I do agree. But in real life love, what kind of ending is nice. Every kind will also have its own bad. The rich guy and the poor guy called the girl to want an answer from her. I especially like the effects of the new ring tone and the old typical traditional ring ring playing simultaneously. Its a choice at first, then it became blur, it became a confusion and in the end the pressure is so intense that nothing matters anymore, just need a break. Issn't that what's so many love stories are about? In the end, there's no answer to anything. No answer to who she chose, no answer to what happened to her or to the guys, no answer even to the original incident of the whole story, that is whether cinderella and prince or niu lang and zhi nv are a better pair. There's no answer to anyone of them. What answer can you get or give to love. Everyone wants an end, wants a closure, at least having a closure is good, and hopefully the the good is the closure. But, if you really know, there's no closure, there's no end to it, life goes on, it doesnt end, neither does it wait for u to end. Here's my view about the ending, it sucks to see such an ending, but I do like it also. Oh in any case, when the girl was forced into a choice, I myself was struggling too. If I were her, who will I choose, ask yourself. Sorry, me being me, its very hard for me to choose either one of them, one being so not nice, and the other one being so not nice. If she make a choice, then its very fake. And if she chose, there should not be a so happy ending in the end, or else its very fake. Obviously she is hurt by rich guy, and she has her own struggles towards poor guy. So, I like it that way. And hence, the most extra part I think is the revelation that her friend is the undercutter, like some super anticipator already said it out so loudly behind me while the story is halfway through. But I think its not so extra too, because if that part doesn't exist, then there will probably be more people thinking the story has not end yet. So it serves as a good closure. Ohyah, I had a good laugh and really fun watching the show, you guys rocks, kudos.
Going on to the second story. I think the MCs did a good job because the acting was really really good. I like mirror actings. And I like how the way the girl smiled when she cut. I like how she smiles. Heehee. Anycase, I suppose the 2nd story is the chim story during this huangcheng. Basically, each of us have our self-purpose to stay alive, and each of us have our own way to live our lives. One for work and money relying on lao tian (hee just like me). One for love and is obsessive. One for status and attention. Its kind of cliche how the 3 people's sadness are in one thread in the end. But I guessed thats what had to be done. Maybe can be done in a better way. But otherwise the whole story will be just very fragmented. I also liked the way how the first guy dropped down the tower, it was very stunning, yet at the same time anticipated, yet, just so stunned. Wah seh. I saw friend C's eyes were like staring wide out O_O. I like the background. At first I thought what was that, then a building. At first I did not know what they were doing there, then it was jumping! Ohmy, immediately that year's jumping flashed into mind and I cried. Ohmy. Ohmy. I don't even know why I thought about that jumping and cried, I think that story was just too powerful. Back to this story, the actress had alot of power. Impressive. How she can really really do all those things, all those hatred, all those competitive, all those stares, wah. The guy was good also, its like up till a certain level, its the energy that counts. When its there, its there, 黄城子弟，无与伦比. Oh did you see the part that the guy started to peel of the rose petals, then the girl went to pick them up, but she did not pick clean, and I saw a few of them there. By the next scene, they were all gone! Kudos to props guys! Because I did that kind of things before, I know how hard you all trained! Woo! I kinda don't really like how it ends, because its ending is really an ending because everyone died. It does not give a solution to the start neither a way out to the end. Ohyah, approaching the part when the girl was crying and pleading to the 2nd guy. I know that this story was inspired by wu jian dao. Think about it, how alike they are.
So up to the first story. The theme was super obvious from the MC's performance and by the 5th minute I know roughly how its going to progress. Just that a certain point in time I thought that the girl looks familiar maybe I saw her before when I went back. But when she put down her hair, no, I never see her before, wah seh. Its abit weird that the first story was a love story, so I immediately know that the last story is also a love story. But this year's bad point is that, love not love enough, then laugh not laugh enough. Love enough will be like qi cai ai qing, or even yi qi fen kai zhu. Laugh, of course is 警察警察, 闹鬼 and 一起分开住. High ah, 一起分开住, and my 大减价 (super uber mele high, I still remember telling myself, whether this scene will 成功 depends on me liao wahaha). Haha. 半杯水 was touching, the jumping off scene I mentioned just now remember? Now I agree with friend Z that my year is the best. Haha, wah seh. In any case, in this story, I like the props! I like the smokey clouds(and I know how to do them!) I like the busstop!(and how they split it into two!) And most importantly, I like the rain drops!! Ohmy its like how cool. Wah seh. I think its inspired by wu jian dao also. And of course I was immediately reminded of the rainy seasons in hwachong, and all the floodings and hwachong waterfall haha. I think its very well done, alot of things are addressed, alot of conflicts, alot of things not forgotten. I think people likes the feeling of yuan fen. People always remember the first time they met, movies too, I especially like the scene which shows edison smiling when he saw mary, in wjd II. 缘份, that there's someone up there (who knows best for you hopefully) making a decision, that there's someone beside (who is chio enough hopefully) who is destined, that all these meetings (which can be happy or chao jia but sweetness in the end hopefully) are not for short term, but for pathing a route towards forever (hopefully). But is that love? Maybe that is love, maybe love is not what we always quantify or see in other couples. Love is, (maybe?) just a mixture of liking the feeling of 缘份, liking the feeling of receiving attention, liking the feeling of giving attention, liking the feeling of being playful, and liking the feeling of responsibility and sense of reproduction. Maybe. So this story is about a very simple love of two, a more fiery chao chao nao nao and yuan fen-ish love of two, and forgiveness love from uncle and auntie. Oh my first tears went to the auntie and the uncle. I find this kind of love very touching. The willingness to go on together forever, and the commitment to be able to forgive. I truly lack both I admit. I will try. Gimme a chance, I want to be good man.
Its for good for sure that the AV cocked up and had to screen the production video at the end, otherwise I will start crying from the start. Its uber touching when I was watching the countup from dunno when to 2007, 26 years of huangcheng. VT 陪伴我们成长26年. And uber touching when I saw the many many photos. And uber tearing seeing the youngs doing the same things as I do when I was young, kai sheng at amphi, pai xi outside admin blk, zuo mu gong at amphi, haf fun at everywhere. So it was super natural for me to stand up and start singing on cue, and especially props was the last group to come up, at my place we are like super high already. Oh I was about to cry when the MCs said "演员!!", then the stupid actors this year did exactly the same as my juniors. But at that moment, I can just see me standing behind the curtain, in front of the csycorama (thinking abt zhong jian's scolding do not touch it, it costs 2000 bucks, it will scratch). Then "演员!!", the curtains open and the lights of VT shoned on us and we chiong. Wah seh.
I also super like the song they played this year during xie mu.