This birthday is a happy one. Haha. Ohyah, my secret wish is that I wish that all my friends are happy so that I can be happy too. Seriously. There are too much stresses and pressures and sad-ness that I see lingering in most of my friends. This is bad. And I really wish that all of you will be happier. That happy things will finally fall onto us. And that we will have more courage, more inspirations, and days will go by more happily.

Of course, immediately xueying zam me "eh that sounds damn wayang". So I guess everyone is interested in my secret secret wish. Ohwell. As point no.4 illustrated, I don't have any heyhey, neither any heyhey-target. Of course, I do hope that I get settled down this year. As lifang points out aptly, "doesn't your mother ask you that?" Who does not wish that? I think I wished that for so many years and it never came true. So sometimes I wonder if Lao Tian is really there. If He is there, why izznt he granting my wish? Maybe, He forgot about me and I am just destined to be left alone. This kind of thoughts always appear periodically, especially when friends after friends fall into that whirlpool. I looked at them over and over again, its the same over and over again no matter who. I wish to fall into that whirlpool, but at the same time, I wish not. Hence, this year, not wishing anymore. In any case, I must trust myself to trust that Lao Tian never forget me. He has plans for me even before I was borned. He is just preparing me, because I deserve a one times good one and once and for all one. Actually, many times, when I think abou it, I was secretly happy that I never get attached in any time, because I guessed, me being so childish and not lovable, those relationships won't last bah. But I guess, I never really grow out of that childish-ness and non-lovably. Maybe not so now since I am 21 already.

I guess the most memorable part of my 21st birthday is that I went to watch 生日快乐 by 刘若英 and 古天乐 with Christelle and Gab.

How aptly, as Olivia puts it. Watching Happy Birthday on my birthday. I must agree. Actually it became like that in quite a long story. 生日快乐 is a very very nice movie. During the movie, Christelle and Gab were on the verge of crying. But for me, yep I was about to cry also. But I think its my old problem. That I do not get too involved in the movie. I always 冷眼旁观, distant myself away from what is going on in the movie. The movie is very good, I can really feel in myself what is going on in the two characters and feel why they make such decisions, because I made such before, with the luxury in thinking that life is long. The movie actually resonates in me, again and again reminding me of all those long stories. Ok, I want to redefine the problem. It is just how I deal with things in my life. I tend to not get too involved in my life, I distant myself from sad things and 冷眼旁观, as if I am watching a movie. And when I watch the movie, I felt like watching myself. I kept on asking myself what would I do, what would I do, what would he do, how would it end. I was hoping that the movie can give me an answer. It did, it told me that life is not long. But I guess, even if we always keep this in mind, things will not change just because we all know that life is not long. Everyone knows that life is not forever. Things turn out this way because we are we. Hence why I am really glad recently that I finally accepted and understood about my own love natural history.

小米是一个没有安全感的女孩。 小南是一个不能够给小米安全感的男孩。 两个人，做一个比好朋友更好一点的朋友。 有多少人愿意等待。

Was hurt too much, the heart is scarred, thickened and numbed. Things happened, but felt nothing. Touch, poke, diffusion not possible. Only can learn how to feel all over again. Thats why need to learn from you all.

Watching 刘若英 in the movie also reminded me of the fundamental things that I look out in a girl. Actually only two things, 耐看 and 智慧. Ohwell, she should prefably be a nice person.

I wished for a happy, peaceful and safe birthday. Thanks everyone for making all of it come true.

Cheers!

Yang =)